March 26, 2007

What's in Your Sandwich?

Internet anus Michael Crook (Forsake the Troops) is having turds today.

Read the whole story about Crook's humiliation at 10 Zen Monkeys.

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March 17, 2007

al-Gore's Zinc Mine

How many carbon offsets does it take to cover a strip mine?

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March 15, 2007

Tokyo Rosie The "Truther"

Not content with the outrage over her defense of the murdering fat bastard Khalid the Sheep Humping Sheik Mohammed, Rosie ran waddled home, discovered Google and started posting about WTC #7.

Barbara, Darling, you need to dump Rosie. Because to her, everything is a Kihnspiracy!

Seriously, break it off Barbara, you deserve better.

The only part of KSM's confession she believes is that he was abused. Which is not true. Never mind he confessed(bragged) before he was captured. No sense arguing with her. You can't cure stupid.

I'll file this under Genital Puppets, for obvious reasons.

Hat Tip: Ghost of a Flea. more...

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March 13, 2007

Al Gore's Retirement Plan

Ever wonder who gets the money when Al Gore buys a "carbon offset" to balance the enormous energy consumption of his household? Al Gore gets the money.

Signal 94 explains it all.

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The Video al-Gore Doesn't Want You To See.


According to a group of scientists brought together by documentary-maker Martin Durkin, if the planet is heating up, it isn't your fault ... all » and there's nothing you can do about it.
Google Video: Channel 4 Documentary The Great Global Warming Swindle

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NYT: is 'Inconvenient Truth' Alarmist?

Well, duh. A movie made by a politician and designed to build his base by conferring heretic status on anyone who disagrees with him just might be a bit...overstated.

The New York Times writes:

But part of his scientific audience is uneasy. In talks, articles and blog entries that have appeared since his film and accompanying book came out last year, these scientists argue that some of Mr. Gore’s central points are exaggerated and erroneous. They are alarmed, some say, at what they call his alarmism.

“I don’t want to pick on Al Gore,” Don J. Easterbrook, an emeritus professor of geology at Western Washington University, told hundreds of experts at the annual meeting of the Geological Society of America. “But there are a lot of inaccuracies in the statements we are seeing, and we have to temper that with real data.”

more...

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March 07, 2007

Iraqi national detained at LAX with unusual item in his "bum"

From Doug Hagmann, Director of the Northeast Intelligence Network:

6 March 2007: TSA officials at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) detained a 35 year-old Iraqi national at about 5:40 this morning after he set off an alarm at the passenger screening area at terminal 1. Security officers searched Fadhel Abbas al-Maliki of South Ocean Avenue in Atlantic City, New Jersey, finding wires on his body and what was described as a magnet concealed in his rectum. Al Mailki also was in possession of another, unidentified metal device which is currently being assessed and evaluated by law enforcement authorities. Fadhel al-Maliki intended to board a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia. Although al-Maliki was detained at the terminal, his luggage remained on the aircraft, which made an unscheduled landing in Las Vegas for a security screening.

In a radio interview with WIBG, Mr. Hagmann reveals a bit more information regarding this event and the suspect in custody.

UPDATE by Rusty: I must have gotten a 100 e-mails about this. Look, isn't a vibrator just a small unbalanced electro-magnet? And if so, what's so unusual about a guy at LAX with one in his rectum?

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March 03, 2007

NEWSFLASH - Bill Clinton Doesn't Support an Attack on Iran!

According to the Associated Press:

Former President Bill Clinton said Friday sanctions against Iran were working better than people think and questioned whether a military strike would work to end its nuclear program. He argued that two-thirds of Iran's population wants a moderate government and that sanctions could have some influence on the nation's powerful clerics.

"We may not have to go to war, and we may not have a disaster," he told about 9,000 gathered at Kansas State University. "You need to talk to everybody before you bomb them. In other words, if you're going to fight with somebody - I don't care what you don't have in common - you should talk first."

Slick Willy has a point. I mean, look how successful the sanctions against Iraq were. One can expect similar success in this instance, when imposed and supervised by the 'usual suspects' at the United Nations. more...

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March 02, 2007

Finally, Science Catches Up to Hollywood

Remember the Orgasmatron from the Woody Allen film "Sleeper?"

At last, Science has developed its own version.

Thanks to Cookie at The Cook Shack--Gab & Grub, who has an unpleasant NSFW photo lurking under the polar bears, the dogs, and the priest in the post below the orgasmatron one. It's not the car, sweety.

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February 27, 2007

Another Inconvenient Truth

Al Gore's household energy consumption:

Back home in Tennessee, safely ensconced in his suburban Nashville home, Vice President Al Gore is no doubt basking in the Oscar awarded to "An Inconvenient Truth," the documentary he inspired and in which he starred. But a local free-market think tank is trying to make that very home emblematic of what it deems Gore's environmental hypocrisy.

Armed with Gore's utility bills for the last two years, the Tennessee Center for Policy Research charged Monday that the gas and electric bills for the former vice president's 20-room home and pool house devoured nearly 221,000 kilowatt-hours in 2006, more than 20 times the national average of 10,656 kilowatt-hours.

"If this were any other person with $30,000-a-year in utility bills, I wouldn't care," says the Center's 27-year-old president, Drew Johnson. "But he tells other people how to live and he's not following his own rules."

I'm sure the former Veep offsets his family's blatant greedy piggishness with a healthy contribution to terraspass, or perhaps he'll sign up for my own alternative Green program.

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February 22, 2007

Tagged, Bluto Confidential

Having been "tagged" by Cookie at The Cookshack Gab & Grub to reveal six unknown and unusual things about myself, I've decided to spread the misery joy to some of my Jawa Report co-bloggers, listed at the end. more...

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February 16, 2007

Interview With a Vampire

Self-proclaimed "Independent Left Journalist" Robert Lindsay writes to inform us that he has interviewed neo-Nazi sympathizer Andrew Winkler, fuehrer of the Holocaust denial website ZioPedia. The site has been linked to the recent attack on Elie Wiesel.

After Winkler confirms that Lindsay helped inspire the name for his website, Lindsay conducts the sort of sympathetic, softball interview that a Jew-hater can expect from the Left.

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All Your Supermarkets Are Belongs to Us

And by "us", of course we mean Hugo Chavez.

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February 12, 2007

No Snickering From Women Will Be Tolerated

This painful story of the dangers of shrinkage is an example of the pain that only a man can suffer.

1beachballs.jpg

(If graphic is too small, go to The Dread Pundit Bluto for a more manly sized view)

Via Cookie, who has more stories of the bizarre and the lascivious.

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February 08, 2007

Fortress of Solitude to be Built in Arctic

Idiots:

An Arctic "doomsday vault" aimed at providing mankind with food in case of a global catastrophe will be designed to sustain the effects of climate change, the project's builders said as they unveiled the architectural plans.

The top-security repository, carved into the permafrost of a mountain in the remote Svalbard archipelago near the North Pole, will preserve some three million batches of seeds from all known varieties of the planet's crops.

I demand an environmental impact study.

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January 26, 2007

President Peanut Issues Kerryesque Non-Apology

After fifteen of his staffers resigned over Carter's new book, "Palestine: Peace not Apartheid," America's worst president has apologized for "improper and stupid" wording.

From the Washington Times:

"I apologize to you personally and to everyone here," Mr. Carter said when asked about the passage by a student during his appearance at Brandeis University on Tuesday. After explaining that the passage was "worded in a completely improper and stupid way," Mr. Carter said he has asked publisher Simon & Schuster Inc. to change the wording in future editions of the book.
Carter's own "botched joke" justified Palestinian terrorism against Israelis. But the Carter Center staffers who resigned did it because of the entire book, not just selected passages.

Meanwhile, President Peanut's friends in the mainstream media have been doing their best to keep this on the downlow.

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January 24, 2007

Freshman Senator Raises Bar For DemSpeak, Creates New Military Tactic

Democratic senator Jim Webb has set a brilliant new standard for doubletalk in his reply to President Bush's State of the Union speech:

"Not one step back from the war against international terrorism. Not a precipitous withdrawal that ignores the possibility of further chaos," said Webb. "But an immediate shift toward strong regionally based diplomacy, a policy that takes our soldiers off the streets of Iraq's cities and a formula that will in short order allow our combat forces to leave Iraq."
So, Senator Webb would have a "withdrawal" that is not "one step back." We are to withdraw forward by retreating but not taking one backwards step while shifting away from the front. It's called the "moonwalk."

As our military performs this unique evolution, our politicians are to speak loudly while flagellating themselves with small sticks.

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January 23, 2007

Top Five Terrorist Organizations Hoping for a Failed Iraqi State

5. Al Qaeda - a new base of operations to replace Afghanistan is just what the Doctor (Zawahiri) ordered.

4. Hamas - since sugar daddy Saddam's necktie party, the brave jihadi babyhunters of Hamas could use some support.

3. Hezbollah - Hamas' Lebanese cousins would welcome a nice training/recruitment site.

2. The Mainstream Media - reporting from Iraq is expensive; the sooner the MSM can begin ignoring the inevitable Vietnam/style bloodbath they've worked so hard to bring about, the better for their profit margins.

1. The Democratic Party - ever an organization to sacrifice truth, justice, and the American way on the altar of political expediency, the donkeys haven't had so much fun since the glory days of the Ku Klux Klan.

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January 21, 2007

Bush Blamed In New Orleans Loss

President Bush is seen by some to have contributed to the New Orleans Saints' 39-14 drubbing at the hands of the Chicago Bears this afternoon.

"Anyone could see they was in trouble," New Orleans mayor Ray "Chocolate City" Nagin remarked, "It's an indictment of the current administration that no help whatsoever was forthcoming."

Singer Kanye West believes that the Saints can't count on support from the President because there are too many African Americans on the team.

"The fact that Chicago has an African American coach just gives the buckra in the White House cover," said the artist.

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January 17, 2007

Bottom Five Professions Ranking Above Mainstream Journalist

With the spate of fake and staged news coming out of the Middle East, all designed to undermine the United States and its allies in the War on Terror, a new South Hamilton Institute of Technology poll shows American Journalists sucking hind teat to more respected occupations.

The last five ranking above "Journalist" are:

5. Crack Whore
4. Male Crack Whore
3. Crack Whore Pimp
2. Keith Olbermann's Fluffer, Raoul
1. Boil Sucker

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January 04, 2007

The Final Collapse of Civilization is Imminent

The ancient Mayan calendar sets the date as December 21, 2012. They may have been too optmistic.

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December 11, 2006

Leftist Blogger: 'Spitting on Soldier Not News'

"Phriendly Jaime" at West of Shockoe (the twit at Shockoe didn't realize that changing the title of a Blogger post also changes the URL, here's the new link) thinks prosecuting Lauren Maggi, accused of spitting in a soldier's face at Syracuse's Hancock Airport on November 22, is a waste of time.

And PJ has taken issue with me for blogging about the shameful incident. Unfortunately for PJ, he doesn't have his facts straight, but that doesn't prevent the typical, leftist rant that follows his snap judgement.

Worse, he doesn't think spitting in a soldier's face is a crime worth wasting taxpayers' money on, and anyway, PJ implies that the soldier is probably lying about the whole thing.

Phriendly Jaime's rant begins: more...

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December 10, 2006

Alec Baldwin: 'Get Rid of the CIA' to Defeat Terrorism

Alec Baldwin, whose foreign relations and counter-terrorism expertise is founded on playing the role of Jack Ryan in The Hunt for Red October, has decided that we need to abolish the Central Intelligence Agency. This is Alec's "oddly simple" "first step" to defeating terrorism (brave Alec also takes the opportunity to bash Jeane Kirkpatrick, now that she's safely dead).

Has Alec discovered a new principle here? Can we defeat crime by abolishing the police? Will housefires disappear if we send the firemen packing? Can we eliminate plane crashes by eliminating the FAA?

Of course not.

The clue to Alec's Bizarro World thinking comes at the beginning of his post. He thinks that the Right is obssessing about the Vietnam War. Yes Alec, the Right is taking every opportunity to shout "quagmire" hoping to demoralize our troops and the people being protected by them at home.

This is what happens when stupid people play smart people in movies and on TV.

Previous Baldwin Buffoonery here.

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November 16, 2006

Pelosi and Company Give Us a Preview of Dem 'Leadership'

From the Washington Post:

A showdown over the House majority leader's post today has Democrats bitterly divided only a week after their party took control of Congress and has prompted numerous complaints that Speaker-designate Nancy Pelosi (Calif.) and her allies are using strong-arm tactics and threats to try to elect Rep. John P. Murtha (Pa.) to the job.
Murtha is best known for his brilliant proposed strategy of redeploying our troops to Okinawa, and being an unindicted co-conspirator in the Abscam scandal. That's probably why he's blocking new ethics rules:
Murtha, 74, a former Marine who was among the first on Capitol Hill to call for a U.S. troop withdrawal from Iraq, may have hurt his own chances Tuesday night when he derided the Democrats' ethics and lobbying package before saying he will push for its passage anyway out of deference to Pelosi. His statement, at a gathering of conservative "Blue Dog" Democrats, was cited by backers of his rival, Rep. Steny H. Hoyer (Md.), as further proof that Murtha's controversial ethics record disqualifies him to lead the party in a new political era.
Meanwhile, loose cannon Russ Feingold is working to make the US phone system safe for terrorists, and Dennis Kucinich wants to make Iraq safe for terrorists by cutting off military funding.

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November 14, 2006

Three-Alarm Pants Fire Alert

I was searching for video of the Mouth of Sauron from the Lord of the Rings movies, and came across this NewsBusters story from July. Mincing metrosexual milquetoast Keith Olbermann actually said, with a straight face mind you, that he is politically "neutral." NewsBusters has the video. Here's part of the transcript: more...

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