According to CNN, Bush took Sunday to perform his first tour of New Orleans. When asked if he thought that it would be disrespectful to the 9/11 victims to visit New Orleans on this day, Bush was quoted as saying "What 9/11 victims? Is that how many I managed to kill down here?"

Of course a stunned press asked him to elaborate on his remarks, he simply stated "We thought it was time to take out the trash. Maybe that'll teach them no-good negros about not voting Republican."

Later, CNN's Wolf Blitzer was able to get an exclusive interview with the President and received some elaboration on his remarks.

Blitzer: So, Mr. President, are you stating, for the record, that you are responsible for all of the deaths in New Orleans?
Bush: No, not all the deaths, but if we'd known that police were going to have to start shooting looters, we'd have sure gotten the Army in there quicker so we could have been responsible for a lot more.

Blitzer: Mr. President! That's horrible! But you do finally admit that your criminally negligent environmental policies are the root cause for this hurricane?
Bush: Environmental policies? No. Heck, we sent a space shuttle mission up just a few weeks ago with 100,000 cans of hair spray. We figured dumping that much aerosol directly into the ozone would surely have some sort of adverse effect. But we never dreamed it would start at Category 5 hurricane. This worked out much better than expected!

Blitzer: I see. So were you attempting to do anything specific with your plan of destruction, or just see where it led you.
Bush: Listen when I'm talkin, you dummy. Our whole goal was to wipe out all the poor negros down there. They're voting Democrat in droves and really putting a hurt on us at election time. The only part that really failed was that it came up short and didn't get the Hispanics in Florida at the same time.

Blitzer: So this is all just about getting Republicans elected.
Bush: Of course it is. Why else would we do anything. Do you think we really care about the people we're ruling, er, ah, here to serve?

Blitzer: Well I find all this to be absolutly horrible! I can't believe our government would do such a thing!
Bush: Why not? You people are ready to believe that we started the war in Iraq just because Saddam tried to kill my daddy (which is true, by the way). If you're going to believe the worst about us anyway, we might as well take advantage and just do it.

Blitzer: Well I never...
Bush: You better get used to it. Oh, and I'd stay out of California for about a month. Our earthquake machine is just about finished.

Blitzer: Well, there you have it people. All your worst fears confirmed. The Republicans are evil and are killing people just because they're poor minorities.
Bush: No, because they won't vote for us. Get it right or you'll be next.

Blitzer: This is Wolf Blitzer, signing off.

Originally posted at Conservative Friends.

Update: One of my diligent CF readers has found unreleased photos of Bush visiting New Orleans. These photos only serve to prove exactly how atrocious our President is. We must call for impeachment now!

Posted by: Drew at 06:49 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 560 words, total size 3 kb.

Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain", a tale of homosexual love in the mountains of Wyoming, won the Venice International Film Festiva's Golden Lion award today. Once again proving that everything Eric Cartman ever says is always true.

The movie is adapted from a story by Annie Proulx and stars Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal as love-struck cowboys whose forbidden affair begins in 1963 and ends 20 years later. The director described the low-budget indie flick, shot in Canada to save money, as a story of love against adversity. (Reuters).

The AP describes the as being full of sweeping vistas, lonesome men, bucking broncos and smoldering campfires. It also has sex scenes between two men whose lives are changed, disturbed and entwined after being hired to tend sheep for a summer in Wyoming.

As of this writing, it is not known how much pudding is consumed in the film.

Actual South Park dialogue, describing the South Park Film Festival:

Cartman: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Wenday: No they're not. Independent films are produced outside the hollywood system. They're movies without all the glitch and glamour of Hollywood.

Cartman: Well, you show one independent film that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.

Parker and Stone, modern prophets........

UPDATE: Kevin Aylward finds audio of part of the dialogue as well as a very Beavis and Butthead quote to go along with it.

Posted by: Rusty at 09:57 PM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 245 words, total size 2 kb.

Bob Denver, best known as Gilligan from Gilligan's Island, or possibly as Maynard G. Krebs for the older crowd, has died at 70 years old. We say farewell to an extraordinarily funny man.

Posted by: Drew at 02:08 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

"Cindy Sheehan could be standing outside nude, wearing only her Birkenstocks, claiming that she is going to invade Bush's house and find evidence of wrongdoing and she wouldn't be able to draw one TV camera today."
Rush Limbaugh

Posted by: Drew at 11:23 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.

Caption this picture of Rusty at last year's American Political Science Association meeting

Winner will be announced on Monday.

We have a winner!

phin, for:

"After going years without a fatwa Dr. Rusty Shackleford finally suffered a mental breakdown. Dr. Shackleford now resides in the Tattooine Pastures Mental Facility, he can be seen wearing only depends and reenacting his favorite scenes from Star Wars during visitor's hours."

Honorable Mention:

Mr. Venom, for:

"I see your Schwartz is as big as mine..."

Make sure to check next weekend, I may have a picture of Rusty from THIS year's meeting for you to caption.

Muahahahahahaha!

Posted by: Vinnie at 04:30 PM | Comments (27) | Add Comment
Post contains 107 words, total size 1 kb.

Originally posted at Sacred Cow Burgeres

Via David and Laura

Posted by: Drew at 03:26 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Rusty at 08:15 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 4 words, total size 1 kb.

Madonna's failed attempt at becoming the Christopher Reeves of Kabbalah.

Posted by: Rusty at 03:18 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Rusty at 12:35 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 26 words, total size 1 kb.

Via Interested Participant. Muslim comic Shazia Mirza:

I'm terrified I'll die a virgin. Not because I'm obsessed with sex. I'm not, I don't think it's that big a deal. But I don't want to get to Paradise and have to sleep with one of the suicide bombers.

Posted by: Rusty at 12:25 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 52 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Rusty at 01:29 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 4 words, total size 1 kb.

Gaijin Biker sends word that Osama bin Laden has pulled a Dave Chapelle on us. Perhaps he is in South Africa seeking his spiritual roots, too?

In another sign that the tapes may be on permanent hiatus, Bin Laden's longtime writing partner and reclusive former Taliban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar is "no longer involved" in their production, according to an Al-Qaeda spokesperson.

Bin Laden allegedly met with Omar several years ago, but the pair have not spoken since — although Omar’s once-powerful gang of fundamentalist Islamic thugs has left the door open for Osama’s return, the spokesperson said.

According to Al-Zawahri, Bin Laden denies that the constant pressure of hiding from US and Pakistani forces led him to stop making new tapes, saying he is only living in dank, squalid caves in order to clear his head.

Posted by: Rusty at 11:57 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 145 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Rusty at 05:01 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 5 words, total size 1 kb.

I don't have a problem hosting images on my blog and hotlinking them here. So to help Chad out with his post below, here is an image of Ayman Al-Zawahiri from today's videotape: more...

Posted by: Vinnie at 10:27 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 37 words, total size 1 kb.

I've been following with interest, and more than a little confusion, the story of Current Television, the network by Al Gore that is debuting tomorrow. Below the fold is a lengthy analysis on what I think this network's main accomplishment in this new, and possibly exciting format of "citizen television" is going to be... more...

Posted by: Vinnie at 10:51 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 57 words, total size 1 kb.

Rusty, all set to pop caps in someone's ass:

Posted by: Vinnie at 09:27 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 14 words, total size 1 kb.

Dr. and Mrs. Shackleford take a well deserved romantic stroll alone at the pool.

(Note to Rusty....Dude, lay off the In-n-Out Double Doubles) more...

Posted by: Vinnie at 05:49 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I have concluded that Dr. Shackelford is a wealthy man.

Posted by: Brad at July 27, 2005 06:04 PM (pO1tP)

2 Is that a keffiyeh on Rusty's head?

Posted by: See-Dubya at July 27, 2005 08:32 PM (IDj0S)

3 That would be the hood of his Jawa cloak. He never takes it off, not even in the shower.

But really, See-Dubya, what the hell you lookin at Rusty's head for?

sheesh!

Posted by: Mad Dog Vinnie at July 27, 2005 08:50 PM (Kr6/f)

4 He looks good in a thong.

Posted by: Mike at July 28, 2005 05:24 PM (6krEN)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Somebody, please actuate the nanny-state overload alarm. Alcohol ads may no longer feature sexy guys because it makes a connection between drinking and seduction. It's considered to be the cause of binge drinking.

From Timesonline:

Drinks companies have been ordered to hire paunchy, balding men for advertisements to meet new rules forbidding any link between women’s drinking and sex. Watchdogs have issued a list of undesirable male characteristics that advertisers must abide by in order to comply with tougher rules designed to separate alcohol from sexual success.

But there's more. The British Committee of Advertising Practice ruled:

"We would advise that the man in the picture should be unattractive -- overweight, middle-aged, balding etc."

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 04:29 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 187 words, total size 1 kb.

The story about Bin Laden attempting to poison cocaine is just dying for a contest. A headline/post title contest.

Here's an example: "That Snow Jihad." (groan)

The winner will have the satisfaction of knowing that he/she made thousands of people spew drinks on screens, hit their head from falling off the chair, or even peeing their pants.

Posted by: Vinnie at 06:23 PM | Comments (46) | Add Comment
Post contains 62 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Vinnie at 02:27 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 8 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Yeah, but does that bus run on flatulance and flowers??

Posted by: MCPO Airdale at July 26, 2005 02:41 PM (WOQ34)

2 It runs on Freedom of Speech and the blood of our brave soldiers who shed it in an effort to protect it for her. I wish she'd stop crapping all over the people trying to truly help the world out. The stupid bitch.

Posted by: RomeoDelta at July 26, 2005 03:01 PM (AHaCg)

3 Completely tasteless shit. Don't make fun of handicapped people. You are helping the enemy.

[changing your name doesn't help. Grow up and get a sense of humor, dipshit - MDV]

Posted by: Pigpen at July 26, 2005 03:24 PM (PX+vn)

4 ROTFLOL!!!!

Hey, Pigpen, just rember, you are the one who specifically referred to Democrats as handicapped. I would presume you meant mentally.

Posted by: William Teach at July 26, 2005 03:54 PM (IRsCk)

5 Are you trying to imply that I am MDV? Well, you'd be wrong. Even though I've never met MDV, he strikes me as someone who would have the intestinal fortitude to be able to sign his own name to what he writes.

As for your "grow up and get a sense of humor" line, isn't it you just paragraph above that says not to make fun of handicapped people? Lighten up, Frances.

Posted by: RomeoDelta at July 26, 2005 04:04 PM (AHaCg)

6 RomeoDelta, I put that in Pigpen's comment. He commented under a different name on a post I did a few days ago.

But, after further review, I should give him kudos for noticing that Jane Fonda is, indeed, handicapped.

Posted by: Mad Dog Vinnie at July 26, 2005 04:12 PM (Kr6/f)

7 MDV - Thanks for the clarification. Feel free to strike my comments, as the premise they are based on is incorrect.

Posted by: RomeoDelta at July 26, 2005 04:18 PM (AHaCg)

8 Just so you know, I do know how to mask myself decently (check out my IP now, dear)... I just don't care to.

Seriously though, calling a retarded person a democrat is insulting to the retarded people.

There is a tastless old joke about arguing with people on the internet being like competeing in the special olympics (even if you win you beat a retard). I understand the humor in that and in your post, but I also don't think humor at the expense of mentally disabled folks is something that I want to be associated with... and if someone on my ideological side of the fence use the mentally disabled to make fun of our opposition, I am going to say something about it.

If you can't let a post stand as posted- and you mock your opposition by name calling (calling them a tard)- you might be a liberal (not a redneck).

Oh, and don't call me Francis, the name's Psycho.

Posted by: Col. North Pigpen at July 26, 2005 04:39 PM (YAEN3)

9 Wow, I'm impressed, you can shift IP addresses. That's uber-talent if I've ever seen it. When you figure out how to get around posts that have comments closed, let me know.

The proper ending to the saying is "even if you win, you're still a retard."

As for the rest of your comment, you do things your way, I'll do my things my way. Sound reasonable, Francis?

Posted by: Mad Dog Vinnie at July 26, 2005 05:20 PM (Kr6/f)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Ya'll know what to do.

We have a winner!

Darleen, from Darleen's Place, for:

"New PETA convert attempts proselytizing canivores wherever he finds them."

There were so many excellent entries the rest of you get second place.

Posted by: Vinnie at 07:00 AM | Comments (27) | Add Comment
Post contains 42 words, total size 1 kb.

Man, that boy sure knows how to have fun.

Posted by: Vinnie at 07:58 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 13 words, total size 1 kb.

I was going to respond to Rob's response to Rusty's response, but that was before I went below the fold on Rusty's post. He addressed the same things I was going to there.

So, instead, and just for the sake of argument, I'll answer Rusty's challenge to come up with a logical reason not to retaliate against Mecca in the event of a nuclear attack on the U.S. Mind you, I have no problem with it.

The Nuke Mecca, Kiss Israel Goodbye Scenario:

Al-Qaeda, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, lights off a smuggled nuke or two in a major American city.

We nuke Mecca.

Pakistan nukes Israel. Out of existence. Would India care if the missiles were headed the opposite way?

Oh, I forgot, Pakistan is our ally. How much of an ally would they be if Mecca were a smoldering crater?

The Nuke Mecca, Kiss Israel, Iraq, and Afghanistan Goodbye Theory

Pretty much the same as above, except replace Pakistan with Iran. Let's face something here. We think we know how far along Iran is with their nuke program, but we sure as hell don't really know for sure. What we do know for sure is that they don't have missiles capable of reaching the U.S. yet, but they can damn sure put a hurting on our military, and wipe out Israel, with the ones they have. And I doubt they'd care, with Mecca gone, about their fellow Muslims in Baghdad and Kabul getting vaporized along with America's finest. Hell, they're sending them in now to kill their fellow Muslims.

The Why Nuke Anyway? Theory

If the U.S. is the recipient of a nuclear terrorist attack, it would be fairly pointless to nuke Mecca. The heart of Mecca is a rock. One that a couple of 2,000 lb. conventional bunker busters would vaporize with no problem.

But I would advocate unleashing nuclear Hell on the Tehran and Damascus.

Finally, I will seriously take issue with Rusty's use of the term MAD:

Everyone is approaching this as a tit for tat. They nuke this, we nuke that.

No, that's not what MAD is. Mutual Assured Destruction is just that. While Islamofascist scum may get off a nuke in one, two, or even ten American cities, they don't have anything even remotely resembling the nuclear power of the Soviet Union.

So the word "mutual" doesn't even apply here. The term should be IHOP. Islam's Holiest Obliterated Permanently.

I personally think that we should threaten to lay waste to it all. If even one American city suffers a nuclear attack, we waste Mecca, Medina, Qom, we hit Najaf (only because we worked so hard there) and the Al-Aqsa Mosque (nuking that would hurt Israel) with conventional weapons. And the aforementioned capitals.

Oh, and we nuke France too.

Yes I thought of that. First we pretend to cut and run, pulling our troops out of every single Islamic nation beforehand.

Wait...we need a place for the pulled out troops to go. So we don't nuke France, we invade France, and liberate it for the third time!

Posted by: Vinnie at 12:43 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 523 words, total size 3 kb.

***UPDATED***

After staying plugged into the news coming out of London so far, and especially after reading Richard's post about the splodeydope's weapon of choice, I think I have a clear picture of who is the mastermind behind today's isolated incident.

UPDATED WITH EXTREMELY SENSITIVE ANONOMOUSLY SOURCED INFORMATION.

The British Gov't has identified the above as one Abu Saheed Spesh al-Ed. They have also released a recorded cell phone conversation between him and one of the perpetrators of today's isolated incident:

Perp: Hello?
Spesh al-Ed: Do you have TATP?
Perp: Yes, we do.
Spesh al-Ed: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I like TATP!
Perp:
Spesh al-Ed: Hey lady,
Perp: I am not a la
Spesh al-Ed: Do you have TATP?
Perp: I tell you this, we do.
Spesh al-Ed: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I like TATP!
Spesh al-Ed: Hey lady
Perp: Sheik al-Ed! I am not a lady, you know this!
Spesh al-Ed: Do you have Semtex?
Perp: NO! We have the TATP! I tell you this already!
Spesh al-Ed: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I hate Semtex!
Perp: Goodbye Sheik
Spesh al-Ed: Lady? YAAAAAAAAAY! He's going to die for Allah! YAAAAAAAAY! I like dying for Allah!

Posted by: Vinnie at 06:15 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
Post contains 191 words, total size 1 kb.

If you would like to get away from real news for a moment, TacJammer has a lovely piece devoted to poop.

Posted by: Vinnie at 05:21 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.