November 16, 2005

Will Work For Crack Campaign

(Kelowna, British Columbia) There's a politician, Andrew Uitvlugt, running for the mayor's office in Kelowna who has proposed a very creative solution to the problem of litter.

From EdmontonSun.com:

Andrew Uitvlugt says crack cocaine could be used as a reward for drug-addicted homeless people to pick up garbage.

"So what I propose to do is to possibly motivate people with drugs to do constructive work, like get them out there picking up garbage, and then we'll give them some crack," he says on the website www.okbc.tv in a wacky video campaign pitch.

"Now what'll happen here is, after they're done picking up their garbage, they're going to feel somewhat good, they're going to think to themselves, 'You know, I did a good job today.' And they're going to maybe need less crack."

You can see Uitvlugt's campaign video here.

Besides not having a clue on how to pronounce his name, I suspect that Uitvlugt hasn't considered that his proposal would likely result in an increase in garbage along with an increase in people desiring to pick up garbage.

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

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November 10, 2005

Complaining About Big Breasts, Small Butts

Check out a recent feminist complaint from Australia.

A beer advertisement championing females with large breasts and a small behind has been slammed as portraying Australians as "a bunch of crude, sexist yobbos." The Foster's beer ad has been seen extensively throughout the Russian Federation. It depicts a bikini with a small top and a large bottom above the caption "the law of life." Below that is a bikini with a large top and a small bottom captioned "the law of Foster's."

The ad has prompted an angry response from Australian women. Women's Electoral Lobby Australia chairwoman Eva Cox said: "It is bloody stupid. "Why would they bother antagonising a whole pile of women who could drink Foster's? "Companies have got to get a bit smarter about this sort of stuff." (more)

Now, excuse me for being dense about this, but why would women be antagonized for being physically attractive? One could easily believe that Eva Cox wants women, in general, and any reference to female physical attributes, in particular, to be excluded from all advertising. Why? I don't know, but I'd suggest that this woman named Eva Cox would benefit from a day of stiff homonyms. She needs to lighten up.

Companion at Interested-Participant.

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November 08, 2005

You Think You're So Smart?

Prove it. Take the Office Space quiz. I suck. I got a 65%.

Posted by: Drew at 05:20 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
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November 05, 2005

Breast Group Motion Denied

Following up on a previous post, U.S. District Judge Garland E. Burrell Jr. ruled that there is "no First Amendment right to bare breasts on the grounds of the state Capitol" and refused to restrain California Highway Patrol officers from arresting the 'Breasts Not Bombs' babes if they take their shirts off during a protest on Monday. Sherry Glaser, a member of BNB and its spokeswoman, said the group would have to discuss what they'll do now that they know their arrests are likely.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 10:53 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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November 03, 2005

New Tax Proposed by Democrat

(Jefferson City, Missouri) Missouri State Representative Jeff Roorda (D) was so humiliated by the St. Louis Cardinals' defeat in the Major League Baseball Playoffs that he has decided to take action. Blaming the Cardinals' losses on the umpires, Roorda wants to punish them where it hurts, in their wallets.

"I think if they're not going to pay attention, they ought to at least pay taxes," Roorda said Wednesday."
As a result, Roorda promised to introduce legislation in December to tax umpires and referees.

So, fans shouting the rhetorical 'Kill the ump!' will be replaced with the real-life 'Tax the ump!' And, I'm sure the politicians won't allow deductions for favorable calls.

Or, will they?

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 07:26 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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November 01, 2005

Hell Freezes Over: 50 Cent Defends Bush

From ContactMusic.com via The Drudge Report:

The IN DA CLUB star believes human intervention could not have prevented the effects of the hurricane, which killed over a thousand people in the US gulf states in August (05), and sees no point in reprimanding the President for something which was beyond his control.

He says, "The New Orleans disaster was meant to happen. It was an act of God.

"I think people responded to it the best way they can.

"What KANYE WEST was saying, I don't know where that came from."

A rap star speaking up for a Republican President? Is this a sign of the Apocalypse?

I still say Canadian Lorne Greene (Bonanza's Ben Cartwright) started rap with his release of "Ringo" (the number 21 hit of 1964). And Canada should be held to account for this.

Also posted at The Dread Pundit Bluto.

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October 25, 2005

Battle of the Sexes Status Report

A patriarchal court system probably won't allow this type of lawsuit to get too far.

A Brazilian woman is suing her partner for not giving her orgasms.

According to Terra Noticias Populares reports, the unnamed 31-year-old filled (sic) a complaint at Chacar Urbana Police station in Jundiai, in the state of Sao Paulo.

She complained that her 38-year-old partner reached an orgasm and then simply stopped the sexual intercourse.

Police chief Jose Roberto Ferraz is investigating the case.

A police spokesperson said: "We will look into it, we will treat it as an ordinary complaint and let the judge decide." (Source)

It's interesting that she's not suing her husband, rather, her partner. Just imagine the hilarity if society were to reward women who filed denied-orgasm lawsuits against partners and husbands. Nevertheless, it's a she-said he-said situation since there's no way to prove a woman didn't have an orgasm. Just like there's no way to prove a woman did.

Uh ... Right?

On the other side of the world in a somewhat related report from Xinhua, a nation-wide poll of Chinese women this past weekend found that "nearly one-in-eight women, 12.4 per cent, said they rarely or never experienced sexual pleasure." Furthermore, the poll also found that about "25 per cent of wives are disappointed with service between the sheets."

Jeez! Twenty-five percent of the married women in a country of 1.2 billion people has got to be at least tens of millions of desperate housewives. To put the number in perspective, it appears that there may be more frustrated women in China than the entire population of France.

In all candor, I'm flummoxed by reports of unsatisfied women. Even though my personal sample size is statistically insignificant, I've heard not a single complaint.

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

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October 24, 2005

Blog Sabbath Caption Contest: It's Howie's Fault Edition

Caption this photo of me (Vinnie), Howie, See-Dubya, and Mike Pechar at the last Jawa Report Contributor's meeting.

Fatwas will be issued sometime before Monday Night Football.

(I can't remember who's standing on the left, just barely in the picture, could be Demosophist, maybe Bluto. Then again, I don't remember much about that meeting...who would?)

We have fatwas

Graeme for "Rusty Shackelford had always wanted to be like Hugh Hefner, but high operating costs prevented him from realising his dream. That is, until he found four contributors who weren't inclined to read their contracts properly."

Filthy Allah for "Dear Sweet Christ. This is better than Scott Baio hopped up on Goofballs and half naked! I have not seen so many sexy seniors in ages! Are those scars from Oatmeal burns?"

Jesusland Joe for "It's burqa time, baby!"

Honorable Mention:

Rodney Dill for "Even though he's been out of office for a while, Internship wannabe's line up daily at 15 Old House Lane in Chappaqua, NY."

Sorta Dishonorable Mention, But Would Have Been A Winner If He Had Read The Rules, Which I Email Out Every Saturday Without Fail, I Swear:

Matt, for "OK, can't use image tags, but here's my entry" (dude, you can't answer a question with a question, and you can't caption a picture with a picture even if it is hilarious).

Only mentioning it because he frightens me Mention:

Mr. Venom, for "While still searching for the elusive weapons of mass destruction, U.N. weapons inspectors announce the discovery of Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass disgust."

Dishonorable Mention:

I couldn't decide between the two, but they know who they are.

Posted by: Vinnie at 07:29 PM | Comments (28) | Add Comment
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October 20, 2005

Wild Pussies Squeeze Statehouse Rats

(Columbus, Ohio) In 1861, the Ohio Statehouse in Columbus was officially completed and President Abraham Lincoln spoke before a joint session of the Ohio Legislature in the House Chamber. Since that time, the venerable and historic building has been the enduring center of law for the people of the State of Ohio.

Unfortunately, during the same time period, the Ohio Statehouse also became home to an enduring infestation of rats. For well over a century, Ohio's elected lawmakers have lived in uncompromised harmony with buck-toothed, omnivorous, and disease-carrying rats.

That is, until about a year ago, when a dozen or so stray pussycats started making themselves at home on the Statehouse grounds. Despite their cozy coexistence with the legislators, the rats could not get along with feral felines. So, the rats moved. According to spokeswoman Pat Groseck, of the Capitol Square Review and Advisory Commission,

"The cats have done a yeoman's job. There have been no rat-sighting reports since the cats have been there."
Consequently, the Statehouse strays are now being fed, sheltered, and given health care by state employees and volunteers. The rats are gone and everything is hunky-dory.

Or, is it? There are no reports of how the influx of feral cats has affected the songbird population. Typically, a vigorous feral cat population will eradicate all songbirds in the area. Gone are the sweet chirps and calls of cardinals, robins, and chickadees. Call it an unintended consequence.

In closing, I'm skeptical of the assertion that all of the rats have left the Statehouse. If true, how come my taxes keep going up?

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

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October 19, 2005

Who Doesn't Like 'Em?

Stupid criminals, that is....

OMAHA, Neb. -- An Omaha police lieutenant and an officer said they were working at the front desk of police headquarters Monday night when they noticed people sitting a car parked in a handicap parking space.

When the pair walked up to the car, they smelled what they believed to be methamphetamine.

A search proved them right.

The suspect was taken to Creighton University Medical Center, where he agreed to have two small plastic bags of meth removed from his stomach, according to a police report.

Hey, at least they were parked in the right spot....

Posted by: Vinnie at 10:42 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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October 18, 2005

World To End Tomorrow, Russell Stover's, Pamprin Hardest Hit

Great news, men (and our good gay counterparts)!

The opposite gender's most feared weapon of mass destruction has been disarmed!

We now can control the remote all four weeks of the month!

Arise, O men of the West!

Posted by: Vinnie at 10:26 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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A Quick Sandcrawler PSA

I has just been revealed to me that now is the time for the Jawa Report to issue its unofficially official opinion concerning the vacant Supreme Court seat.

The officially unofficial opinion is thus:

We, the squeaky voiced short guys in the brown robes and cheap flashlights for eyes, do hereby vehemently oppose the nomination of John Roberts to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court.

We now return you to your current psychosis, already in progress.

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October 17, 2005

New Orleans Thug Becomes Katrina Hero

The Times-Picayune devoted Sunday's front page to the story of 20-year-old Jabar Gibson who was kicked out of high school and has been committing felonies ever since. In his own words, Gibson says, "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a lot of times." A prudent observer would have predicted that his future had been pretty well set. But Jabar Gibson's life changed dramatically because of Hurricane Katrina.

Gibson stole a school bus, loaded it with 60 of New Orleans' poorest residents, the youngest a week-old infant and the oldest 59, and drove to Houston. Gibson was the driver of what has become known as "the renegade bus" that was the first to arrive in Houston with Hurricane Katrina evacuees.

From NOLA.com:

Gibson acknowledges he stole the bus, although in what has become Katrina lingo, he "commandeered" it to rescue himself and his neighbors. While the storm's floodwaters ultimately did not advance into Algiers, there was no way of knowing that in the chaotic Tuesday morning after the storm. Water was filling up the east bank, Mayor Ray Nagin was on the radio that afternoon predicting several feet on St. Charles Avenue, and panicked residents crossed the bridge to the West Bank, telling tales of impending doom.

"The police was leaving people behind. I had to pick up people on the bus. The police didn't want to do nothing. We stepped up and did what we had to do," said Gibson, who declined to say more because he since has agreed to a movie deal that prohibits interviews.

So, one day Gibson is a street criminal with a regularly revised rap sheet and, the next day, he's under contract in the movie business. I foresee also probably a book deal, a television movie, and appearances on daytime and late-night talk shows. Who knows? Gibson may well end up being a motivational speaker.

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 02:48 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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October 13, 2005

Open Sandcrawler Hatch

All the other big blogs do it, why not this one?

Open thread, go ahead and beat each other up in the comments.

One caveat.

Comments containing the words "Harriet" and/or "Miers" will be summarily deep-sixed. So will any comments containing the words "Scott Baio" and "goat."

Have at you!

Posted by: Vinnie at 02:44 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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October 12, 2005

British Sex Survey

A survey of British men found that they thought about having sex 20 times daily. Unfortunately, the same survey found that they had sex approximately once a week. So, there are 140 simulations for every actual performance. With so many rehearsals, one would imagine that each performance is a classic.

On the other hand, the survey found women thinking of having sex a mere six times daily, 42 times per week. Nevertheless, they are twice as busy as men in actual performance, with two actual love-making sessions per week.

As a simple math problem, I haven't figured it out. Assuming essentially equal numbers of men and women in Britain, how in the world can men average having sex once a week while the women average twice a week?

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 06:41 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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October 11, 2005

40 Year Old Virgin Reviews The 40 Year Old Virgin

"C" at Way Off Bass admits the un-admittable in the process of reviewing The 40 Year Old Virgin: he is a 40 year old virgin. No, I haven't seen the movie yet, but after reading his review I think I sort of have to.

So, why am I writing this post after I swore off blogging for the time being? Because such self-revealing, brave, and honest writing is rare in the blogosphere. Go give it a look.

Ok, yes I'm blogging but this kind of post takes seconds.

And if you're a single-gal, in the Los Angeles area, Mormon, who is into poetry, doesn't mind geeks, and looking to get married, I can recommend no one better than "C" to ask out on a date. It's a start.

And once the two of you do get hitched, for the love of all that is holy, please help "C" out with his, er, problem....

Posted by: Rusty at 09:07 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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October 10, 2005

The Evolution of News

The New York Times, then and now. Click on the thumbnails for a larger image.

Posted by: Drew at 07:38 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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October 04, 2005

Is Harriet Miers Really SNL's Rachel Dratch?

You be the judge:

Is this Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers or is it Rachel Dratch in an SNL skit?

harrietmierswithbushorracheldratch1.jpg

Is this Rachel Dratch or is this Harriet Miers guest hosting on SNL with Andy Richter and Lindsay Lohan?

racheldratchsnlorharrietmeirs.jpg

Tough call, but this would explain a lot......

Posted by: Rusty at 10:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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September 28, 2005

Spotted at Cindy Sheehan Rally

alsharptoncindysheehan.jpg

Fake but accurate courtesy Filthy Allah via DSM. Original here.

Posted by: Rusty at 11:22 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
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September 23, 2005

An Evening With President Bush

Hello America, I'm Larry King. My guest tonight is President Bush who is with us to talk about emergency preparedness and the federal government.

Mr. President, I noticed that the federal agencies have managed to respond much more quickly to Hurricane Rita than they did to Hurricane Katrina. Is that because they learned their lessons during Katrina? Or is it possibly because of the firing of Michael Brown?

President Bush: Well, Larry, I really don't think it's either. We just wanted to get there faster this time. After all, I can't let all those innocent people get killed right there in my home state. I might decide to run for Governor again.

King: So you're saying that you have more sympathy for the people caught in Hurricane Rita?

President Bush: Why heck yes. Didn't you hear my interview with Wolf Blitzer? And not only did we manage to get rid of all the Negroes, but did you know that New Orleans was filled with fornicators? That's a biblical word for people having sex. And according to my buddy Jerry, we can't let people do that. As a matter of fact, I'm going down to Florida next week to have a talk with my brother about why he evacuated all those homosexhuals from the Keys. Why he let the perfect opportunity to rid his state of most of the rif-raf slip straight through his fingers. more...

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September 16, 2005

Danes with Disabilities Sex Program

(Denmark) The Danish government has launched a program which pays prostitutes to have sex once a month with disabled people.

The program has created some contentiousness, particularly from Danes that don't get taxpayer-funded hookers. The argument is that every Dane deserves free whores, not just the disabled.

My take is that this is a clear case of discrimination.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 10:51 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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September 15, 2005

America Doesn't Want You Either, Gwyneth

Gwyneth Paltrow would feel much more at home in Europe where sophisticated and nuanced discussion of America boils down to clever cowboy metaphors and deep analysis about arrogant empires falling, you know, eventually.

We concur. Move to Europe Gwyneth Paltrow. You'll fit in better.

Globe and Mail:

Yes, well, I went to Spain in an exchange program at 15, and I've always been drawn to Europe. America is such a young country, with an adolescent swagger about it. But I feel that I have a more European sensibility, a greater respect for the multicultural nature of the globe. And it's a strange time to be an American now....

I feel like we're really in trouble. I just had a baby and thought, 'I don't want to live there [America].' Bush's anti-environment, pro-war policies are a dis. . . ." Well, you can guess the rest.

And don't come back. At least, not until you get a boob job. I mean, she even looks like she could be a European star--but not an American.....

Posted by: Rusty at 01:18 PM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
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September 14, 2005

Apprentice Contestant Alla Wartenberg Is Ex Stripper Who Inspired Death Row Inmates Killing Spree: Image Gallery

Alla Wartenberg scandal and photo gallery here. more...

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September 13, 2005

Dave Chappelle: I'm back, b*tch!

Dave Chappelle is back, only this time he's not funny.

AP

Comedian Dave Chappelle, who walked away from his hit TV series earlier this year, said working in front of smaller audiences is more his speed. Chappelle sold out 10 shows at a northern Kentucky club and said doing standup is "like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people."...

Chappelle has said he was unhappy with the direction of his show. His decision triggered reports that he had mental or drug problems, which he denied. "It was a little weird," he told the newspaper. "It felt like some of the stuff was real tabloid, like raw speculation. "It was like stuff I would normally buy and believe," he added, laughing. "I just took it as a learning experience. It was like becoming a public person and learning all the responsibility that comes with that."

Yeah, I didn't like the direction either. Not enough Rick James humor in season two. And season three would have been much worse. Not alot that is funny about Elijah Muhammed or Malcolm X.

We miss the funny Dave. Come back soon.

Hat tip: James Joyner

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September 12, 2005

Apprentice Star is Ex-Escort

alla_wartenburg_full2.jpg
Who is the real Alla Wartenberg, one of the stars of the upcoming season of NBC's Apprentice? A video of her Apprentice audition can be seen here. According to her official website, the 31 year old immigrant from the Soviet Union is a self made multi-millionaire, owns a chain of upscale day spas, and is a real-estate tycoon. However, The Smoking Gun has learned that Ms. Wartenberg was once a Las Vegas stripper who went by the name of 'Ecstasy' at an upscale gentleman's club.

The mother of three was also doing $40 lap dances at precisely the time her biography claims she was starting her day spa business. Can you say happy ending?

Additionally, Alla Kosova, as she was then known, was the kind of dancer who you could pay to spend the entire evening with you--you know, an 'escort'. Eventually, one of her clients--or 'Johns'--became so infatuated with Alla Wartenberg-Kosova-Ectasy that it led to the murder of two Oregon women and a California man. The two women were lesbian lovers.

Kosova's usual MO was to tell her 'dates' that she wanted to marry them. Her 'regular' took her literally and in two robberies gone bad trying to get more money to spend on 'dates', Robert Acremant ended up killing three people. Acrement is now on death row in Oregon.

Wartenberg-Kosova admitted in court documents, though, that she was just using Acrement for the money but that there were never any 'intimacies' between them. Right. We believe you Alla, honey!

Seems to me that she'll fit right in at Donald Trump's house. Alla Wartenberg gallery below. Hat tip: Dummocrats more...

Posted by: Rusty at 04:15 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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