February 23, 2005

Democratic Underground Ouija Board

Iowahawk forces me to break out the gaybell!!! More Gannon-bell, please!!!! more...

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February 22, 2005

C-3PO Comments On Paris Hilton and Other News

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If you would like C-3PO to comment on one of your blog posts, just send a trackback or e-mail me.

C-3PO comments on images found on Paris Hilton's hacked Sidekick: "Oh my!"

On Jeff Ganon/James Guckert's plans to sue Media Matters: "R-2 says the chances of winning are seven-hundred and twenty-five to one."

On Bill Burkett plans to sue CBS News for publishing his phony memo:""Sometimes I just don't understand human behavior."

On the USA Next advertisement: "Good heavens, gay you say?"

On former Kerry advisers working for the UN and making anti-Fox News ads:"I believe they think I'm some sort of god."

On Taliban giving up in Afghanistan:""Wait a minute! Where are you going!"

On the British Navy recruiting the gays:"Are they in need of a protocol robot?"

On Congressman Hinchey's retreat from reality: "Oh switch off!"

On Elizabeth Hurley in new Harry Potter movie: "Fabulous."

On Japan considering outlawing knives: ""Are you sure this thing is safe?"

On ex-Turkish PM on trial for fraud and corruption: "I believe it's some sort of Jawa dialect, sir."

On Simon's Asian blog roundup: "I am programmed in over 6 million languages, sir."

On the New Blog showcase:"We have found the computer outlet sir."

On the Llama Butchers:"The above photo-shop is designed primarily for Steve's screensaver? I'm not telling him that."

Update: On the Earthquake in Iran: "It's against my programming to impersonate a deity."

Update II: On efforts to remove life support from Terry Schiavo:"See above."

On Ward Churchill getting tenure by mistake:"I'm sorry, sir, my irony circuits seem to be on overload."

Update III: On the Editor's engagement to be married:"I say, good show."

On Hawaii outlawing the consumption of dog and cat meat:"Oh no the Rancor!"

Update IV: On Bush efforts to reforge old alliances: "Do take good care of yourself."

On President's day:"R2d2 You know better than to talk to a strange computer."

On Democratic Underground Hunter S. Thompson conspiracy theories:"Good heavens, no!"

UPDATE 2/23: On Michael Schiavo's attempts to kill his wife Terry: Click to here

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February 19, 2005

Bad Naked

There is an old stereotype about nudists. Stereotypes are not always true, only mostly true. That is why they tend to be so long-lasting. Here is the evidence. (safe for work)

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February 11, 2005

Certifiable

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Ironical.

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February 09, 2005

White Trash Wednesday: Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con Edition

Unknown to many amateur Trashologists, the common scrota albeo (or 'the trash that is white') is divided into many subspecies. The Trailor Parker (double-widus hortus) is only the most visible, but the genus takes in at least 14 distinct varieties.

Today's subject of study is the cellarius matera, or "the one who dwells in mother's basement".

Four distinct features distinguish cellarius matera from other scrota albeo:
a) Rearing time. Unlike other scrota albeo, who are thrown out of the nest some time between their 14th and 17th birthday, cellarius matera needs an additional 20-30 years before it leaves it's close family unit.
b) Social structure: Unlike other scrota albeo, cellarius matera leads a solitary life. Don't go looking for cellarius matera at the annual NASCAR migration.
c) Mating habits: Unlike other scrota albeo, cellarius matera does not mate until its thirty-fifth year and never with its cousin. Mating is such a rare occurence that some have speculated that cellarius matera dies after its first mating but no evidence exists of this phenomenon.
d) Sex ratios: For every 20 male cellarius matera there is only one female. This might explain their strange mating habits.

Recently I was on a stakeout when I was able to snap a shot of this fine specimen. Notice how the cellarius matera camaflouges itself to look like the much more common nerdicus physiologia? But there is no camaflouging this speciman. This one is definitely from Jesus Land!

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Hat tip: Professor Chaos. Related. For more Trashology visit the other bloggers celebrating White Trash Wednesday!

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Czechs Refuse North Korean Demands to Ban Team America: World Police

Czech Republic, F-Yeah, Coming to Save the MoFo World Again!! Via Simon who has, as always, an excellent roundup of all the news fit for blogging in Asia. AP:

North Korea (news - web sites)'s embassy in Prague has demanded that the film "Team America: World Police" be banned in the Czech Republic, saying the movie harms their country's reputation, a report said Saturday.
North Korea has an ambassador to the Czech Republic? Man, I bet he's so ronery. The Czechs, for their part, told the NK ambassador to go jump in a shark tank.

More from North Korea Zone and The Marmot

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February 07, 2005

Andrew Sullivan Found!!

Scroll down for AS secret location....but in the meantime did you watch The Simpsons last night?? I mean, come on, they gave Comic Book Guy a name!!! more...

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Germany shows its love for the country that gave it freedom of speech

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February 04, 2005

Why Janeane Garofalo Ought to Date Prince Harry

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More from Kevin McCullough

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January 18, 2005

Terrorist Webhost on Sale at eBay

What do you give a guy like Osama bin Laden who has everything? Why not give the gift that keeps on giving--a terrorist website! Hosting Anime is up for sale at eBay.

You might remember Hosting Anime from such memorable websites as Tawhid and Jihad Beheads Paul Johnson and Tawhid and Jihad II: Kim Sun-Il.

Good riddance. (hat tip: Terrorist Media)

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January 13, 2005

No mi gusta! Mexican Simpsons on Strike

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January 12, 2005

Christain Rock Band to Play at Bush Innagural

christianrock.gifIn light of all the controversy surrounding an invitation to Kid Rock to perform at the Bush innagural, I thought I'd throw in my own two cents. Might I suggest Faith + 1?

First off, let me distance myself from all those South Park conservative-" types who are ridiculing the protesters. And to all you potty mouths who are pooh-poohing all of us real conservatives, well let me just tell you that there's no room in the big tent for your ilk. What did you think the big tent metaphor was about? We we're talking about a revival tent, morons not a tent of ill repute.

Does any other band represent the second Bush era better than Faith + 1? With such inspiring songs as "I've been thinkin bout you, Jesus", "The body of Christ", "I can't live without you, Jesus", and "Don't you ever leave me, Jesus" there's something in their songs for every one. And family friendly? You better believe Faith + 1 is family friendly! I mean, what could be more family friendly than an interracial Christan rock boy band??!!??!!

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Members of Faith + 1 from left to right: Leopold Stotch, Eric Cartman, and Token

Shamelessly linked at the Traffic Jam....because WWJD?

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January 08, 2005

Don't Cry for Me Argentina

There are certain things you just don't do while traveling abroad. Take for instance these few scenarios.

You don't go to France and ask for California wine. You don't travel to China and remove a piece of the Great Wall. You don't go to Greece and tell every single Greek Alexander was gay. Never go to the cape South Africa and swim with blood-stained clothes in the ocean.

These sound like common sense to me. You risk offending the natives, being arrested and dying. When you travel, you just have to realize you are going to a different culture with possibly a different set of rules to abide by than your own.

Well, this guy just doesn't understand.

A BACKPACKER, believed to be from Queensland, is in a police lockup in a remote area of Argentina, facing a possible jail term for allegedly desecrating the country's flag.

The incident allegedly happened at a wine bar in Ushuaia, a town on the South American nation's southern tip that is a base for tourists travelling to Antarctica.

The 28-year-old Australian, a British man and a South African are in police custody.

Witnesses said the tourists were drunk when they saw the flag hanging outside the bar, opened a window to tear it down and then left and trampled it outside before throwing it in a bin.

Other tourists called police who arrested the trio.


So a tourist gets drunk at a bar, fair enough, but then proceeds to take down the Argentina flag and stomp on it? First off, what is his vendetta with Argentina? Did he think the Madonna movie was good only to find out many people cried for Argentina? Secondly, does he not have an ounce of intelligence in his booze-infested brain to realize people might take offense to a tourist trampling on their flag?

What a moron. I don't agree that he should be in jail if it is for desecrating the flag, if it's for disorderly conduct or moronic behavior, then he deserves to be there.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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Hmmmm

I know this is wrong to kick a man while he's down and out for the count, but I just can't help it.

DAMASCUS, Syria - Former Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry met Saturday with Syria's president and said he was hopeful that strained U.S.-Syrian relations could be improved, provided Washington seized "a moment of opportunity" currently available in the Middle East.

- AP


Well, it's not as if John Kerry hasn't met with the enemy before and advocated the enemy's position to the White House. Let's hope this time the President of the United States was aware of the meeting though.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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January 07, 2005

A Reason for Abstinence

This is just too funny not to post.

"Some of our forefathers said that if there is usury and fornication in a certain village, Allah permits its destruction. We know that at these resorts, which unfortunately exist in Islamic and other countries in South Asia, and especially at Christmas, fornication and sexual perversion of all kinds are rampant. The fact that it happened at this particular time is a sign from Allah. It happened at Christmas, when fornicators and corrupt people from all over the world come to commit fornication and sexual perversion. That's when this tragedy took place, striking them all and destroyed everything. It turned the land into wasteland, where only the cries of the ravens are heard. I say this is a great sign and punishment on which Muslims should reflect.

- MEMRI


The earthquake which in turn caused the tsunami that killed thousands was Allah's revenge for people fornicating on Christmas. I thought it was due to some eco-weapons created by the U.S., India and Israel? I guess not.

If the zionists didn't consider some of the areas effected tourist regions, Allah might have spared their lives becuase it was the zionists who were doing the fornicating. Stupid Christians and Jews.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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January 06, 2005

Heh

I feel I must point out these two posts for all my readers to enjoy. The first post comes from Arthur Chrenkoff concerning some "interesting" quotes about the tsunami. Way to put things into perspective. The second post is about a Presidential Debate that you probably didn't see. Nader should have recieved more than 1.2 percent of the vote for this.

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Just Sad

- Jerusalem Post

The earthquake that struck the Indian Ocean on December 26, triggering a series of huge waves called tsunami, "was possibly" caused by an Indian nuclear experiment in which "Israeli and American nuclear experts participated," an Egyptian weekly magazine reported Thursday.

According to Al-Osboa', India, in its heated nuclear race with Pakistan, has lately received sophisticated nuclear know-how from the United States and Israel, both of which "showed readiness to cooperate with India in experiments to exterminate humankind."


I seriously pity those people who come up with wild conspiracy theories on a natural disaster. While those detractors of the United States often blame our capitalism as the primary cause for our "heresey," they don't seem to understand that in a capitalistic society busineses need people to buy their products. Why then would the United States, a capitalist nation, want to exterminate humankind?

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January 05, 2005

Group Wants to Trade Story for Palestinian Prisoners

- Associated Press

JERUSALEM - A group calling itself "The Free People of the Galilee" claimed Wednesday that it abducted an Israeli-American woman in 2003 and demanded that Israel release 1,000 Palestinian prisoners in exchange for information about her fate.

The group, through a leaflet and a militant spokesman, said it kidnapped U.S.-born Dana Bennet, who was 18 at the time of her disappearance in the summer of 2003.

The leaflet, sent to The Associated Press, contained no proof that the group was involved in the kidnapping or knew anything about Bennet's whereabouts. The group is not previously known.

A top Arab militant said on condition of anonymity in a telephone call that Bennet was abducted in 2003. He reiterated the demand made in the leaflet that Israel release 1,000 Palestinian prisoners in exchange for information about her fate.


When I read this article, I immediatly though of the movie The Vanishing. "Drink this and you shall know."

On a more serious note however, this is just an odd story for a group to approach the AP around two years later wanting a release of prisoners for information about someone's fate. The Israeli woman is already dead, though the group wants to use her "death story" as a bargaining chip. The Israelis haven't given in for live people, what makes this group think they would trade 1,000 prisoners for a story on how someone died?

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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January 04, 2005

New Fox Programming

This post just made me crack up. It centers around new Fox programming following their hit last night "Who's Your Daddy."

I must admit, I did watch some of the show because I found the first half of the Sugar Bowl boring. I couldn't believe where they found these people though. One of the rarities in my life is that I've actually dated five different women who were adopted. I know, I know, most guys never even date one. While I always wondered if they wanted to meet their real fathers, only one of those women actually cared who her biological parents were.

Then there are, I guess, women like the one who appeared on the show who cried at the thought she might meet her father. Instead of wanting a genuine meeting, she chose to go on a reality television program and make a fool out of herself, weeping the entire time and making the show look completley fake and melodramatic.

Anywho, go read this post for a good laugh.

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January 02, 2005

Quote of the Day

- NewsMax (via Young Pundit)

"It was a unique scheme," Annan told ABC's "This Week." "Yes, there may have been some corruption. There may have been some mismanagement. But the program achieved its results."

If you think of it from Annan's perspective, the UN oil-for-food program was successful. His son got rich, the UN didn't have to act against a dictator who defied a UN resolution, some member nations got rich, a couple of the UN Security Council nations were bribed so they would vote to keep Saddam in power, etc. Unfortunately for every other nation and person who didn't recieve the benefits of the program, including the Iraqi people, it was a complete failure and will be the undoing of the justification of the United Nations.

For more memorable Quotes of the Day, go here.

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58 Times the Headache

For some men, committment scares them. For others . . . well, I'll just leave it at this (via The Roth Report).

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 29, 2004

Break Out the Rain Gear and the Tin Foil Hats

Paul at Wizbang has done an extraordinary job of compiling some of the latest moonbat conspiracy theories out there. Did you know that the earthquake that caused the tsunami that killed over 60,000 people was Bush's fault? It's also the fault of right-wing Republicans who are driving our three to four kids around in our SUV trying to buy gifts around Christmas time.

Oh and by the way, while people died from tsunamis, Bush has done nothing which is why someone wants to impeach Bush. My only question is what is Bush supposed to do? He has a cabinet and the cabinet members are the ones handling aid.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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What a Ride

Some jackass decided it would be the fun thing to do and broke my back window out of my Jeep Grand Cherokee. Out of all of the windows someone could break, they break the one I look out of the most with tint (front windshield doesn't have tint). Naturally the cost of repair will be around $500, but thankfully I have full insurance and won't pay a dime other than the cost of gas to drive my happy ass up to the dealership.

This is the strange thing about it though. They didn't take anything! Not as if I had anything valuable in my car, but they could have taken something. I had an ice scrapper, Maglite, jumper cables, two truck tie-downs and three of my favorite hats in arms reach. Does the person who broke the window not like anything of mine? If they don't, then that's the ultimate put-down.

They risk getting caught and getting thrown in jail for vandalism (five other cars in my neighborhood last night alone), make me clean up tiny pieces of glass in which I cut my hands a few times, lose whatever object they threw at the car and they don't even bother to take anything to reward them of their quest? What kind of sick, young f&*@ does stuff like this?

Life is about risks and rewards. The person took the risk of getting caught and thrown into the city pound-me-in-the -___ prison, he should have at least taken a reward. My Chicago Cubs hat might look good on him. It's practically brand new.

So, anywho, blogging will be light today while I try to replace my back window and make sure they are connecting the defroster correctly, and the rear windshield wiper, and handle to open it, and the shocks to lift the window and the neon lighted sign that reads "Too Legit." It's a shame. Now I have to buy a new Texas Tech University sticker too. Maybe I'll get one of those silver car ornaments instead?

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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December 28, 2004

Anyone Game for Some Noodling?

Noodling anyone? I'll stick with a fly rod.

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NHSA: Teens Can't Handle SUVs

- Washington Times

Washington, DC, Dec. 28 (UPI) -- A U.S. traffic safety group says teenage drivers are often incapable of driving sport utility vehicles safely, the Washington Post reported Tuesday.

The National Highway Safety Administration said that 49 people aged 15 to 20 died in SUV and pickup truck accidents in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia last year.

The group says SUVs have a higher center of gravity and are harder to control in an emergency, which makes inexperienced drivers more likely than others to end up as statistics.


I can think of another large demographic that cannot control SUVs too. I'll let me readers infer as to which I mean.

Cross-posted at In the Bullpen

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