So many people have e-mailed me about the Laura Bush jokes. Granted, dirty jokes are much better when coming from Jenna. Mmmmmm, Jenna Bush....dirty jokes....

Anyway, INDeCent Bill pretty much sums up my thoughts, but in limerick form.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:04 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Remember that movie Strange Brew? No? You 'tard, go rent it. Classic. Anyway, in that movie the McKenzie brothers run this scam to try and get free beer. You know the scam I'm talking about, they raise a mouse in a beer bottle.

With all this news about fingers being found in all sorts of foodstuffs I can't help but wonder if various deadbeats aren't just trying to get some free stuff. But frozen custard? Who would want a lifetime supply of frozen custard? Freaking hosers.

Tim from Opinion Bug sends along this link: more...

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Darth Vader says:

Have I mentioned before that I am surrounded by idiots? Let me cut to chase and just tell you up front: the rebels got away. All of them....

I mean, come on.

I've seen drills that were more challenging. And yet, they escape. I have worked among these men this past generation and I have always known them to be, with only a few notable exceptions, truly outstanding military professionals. A galaxy quails before them because they are efficient, effective and keen.

...You try to be an effective manager, you weed out the bad apples like the late Admiral Ozzel -- only to find that an insidious culture of incompetence has somehow transformed your deadly pan-galactic armada into a fleet of spaceballs.

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Wait, you mean the Hall of Justice isn't just outside of D.C? Anyway, it's great to have superheroes supporting our troops. And by superhero I don't mean America's hero, John Kerry, slaying vampires in from his Swift Boat in South Vietnam.

UPDATE: Kerry the Vampire Slayer image. (Thanks Oyster!)

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Last night the local Fox affiliate showed The Empire Strikes Back. Afterwards they ran a minute-long Episode III:Revenge of the Sith trailor. Now, don't laugh at this, but the very end of the trailor when they show Darth Vader, I swear I almost cried. I'm seriously.

Anyway, there are a few interesting things out there that are Star Wars related. Disclaimer: Extreme geek alert! more...

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Wha? Ha. Ha-ha! Bwaaahaaahaaa!!

Must. Hold. Back. The. Comments.

CNN:

With the reins in one hand and a whip in the other, the purple-jerseyed rider prodded a camel around the track.

But this jockey wasn't the usual underfed boy. The jockey was a robot.

Under the watchful eyes of his Swiss developer and Qatari owners, the robot -- dubbed Kamel -- rode a racing camel for 1.5 miles, reaching speeds of 25 miles per hour in a non-competitive trial run.

By 2007, rulers of this energy-rich emirate say all camel racers will be mechanical....

Spurring the robots' development has been vehement condemnation from human rights groups of the sport's regular jockeys. Activists say there are about 40,000 boy jockeys, some as young as 4, who are either bought from their parents or kidnapped from their home countries and taken to the Gulf to ride. The boys live in bleak conditions and are underfed before races to keep their weight down.

In Qatar, ruling sheiks have responded to calls for banning the use of boy jockeys by embracing robots as the best solution.

Sheik Abdullah bin Saud, the Qatari official in charge of the project, said the plan is to keep developing the robot until it is ready to take over.

"Improve the speed, the weight, the aerodynamics, to reach the ultimate goal of completely phasing out children used as jockeys," Sheik Abdullah said.

Posted by: Rusty at 08:41 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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Busy morning. How about some 'yo mama' jokes to fill the space? Ok, I'll start:

Yo mama so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Posted by: Rusty at 08:11 AM | Comments (33) | Add Comment
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1 Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think she's the school bus.

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 20, 2005 08:32 AM (x+5JB)

2 Yo Mama so stupid, She thinks Greg is Smart.

Posted by: Ob Snooks at April 20, 2005 08:35 AM (yBHNA)

3 Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Posted by: filthy allah at April 20, 2005 08:36 AM (yBHNA)

4 "Your mamma's so ugly, I sincerely hope that she is brought to trial."

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 20, 2005 08:39 AM (x+5JB)

5 Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Posted by: THis My Lyfe at April 20, 2005 09:09 AM (xdHNZ)

6 Osama Yo Mama

Posted by: Collin Baber at April 20, 2005 09:10 AM (fufbw)

7 Yo mama was so ugly that when you were born, the doctor slapped her face!

Posted by: Laura at April 20, 2005 09:10 AM (L3PPO)

8 Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Posted by: IraQ at April 20, 2005 09:11 AM (xdHNZ)

9 Okay, some real ones:

Yo Momma so poor, burglars break in her house and leave money.

Yo Momma so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.

Posted by: Young Bourbon Professional at April 20, 2005 09:12 AM (x+5JB)

10 Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Posted by: IraQ at April 20, 2005 09:13 AM (xdHNZ)

11 Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects

Posted by: IraQ at April 20, 2005 09:15 AM (xdHNZ)

12 Yo Mamma's so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water

Posted by: Dave at April 20, 2005 09:31 AM (WICUl)

13 Yo Mama's so fat, the sign on the restaurant says "Capacity:350 or Yo Mama"

Posted by: Darkwolf at April 20, 2005 09:47 AM (DbxbR)

14 Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook

Posted by: Howie at April 20, 2005 10:39 AM (D3+20)

15 Yo mama so stupid she answered f on a scantron test.

Sorry. I'm giving a test right now and that's all I could think of.

Posted by: Rusty at April 20, 2005 10:41 AM (JQjhA)

16 Your momma is so fat, she has her own zip code.

Your momma so ugly, she scares the shit out of the toilet.

Posted by: Mr. K at April 20, 2005 10:52 AM (j86Bg)

17 Yo Momma's so dumb if her brains were gas she wouldn't have enough to run a piss ant's motorcycle half way around the inside of a fruit loop.

Posted by: howie at April 20, 2005 11:21 AM (D3+20)

18 Yo Momma so ugly they think she from Finland!

Posted by: Brad at April 20, 2005 11:34 AM (jQX3P)

19 Yo momma's so fat, she got more chins than a Chinese phonebook.

Posted by: Plato at April 20, 2005 11:51 AM (DfYYv)

20 Yo mama is sooo ugly...I would rather look at Greg

Posted by: mike at April 20, 2005 12:36 PM (nyxv/)

21 mr. k that toilet joke was funny

Posted by: IraQ at April 20, 2005 01:13 PM (xdHNZ)

22 Yo momma's so dumb that she forgot the number for '911'.

Posted by: Wine-aholic at April 20, 2005 01:14 PM (Wsn+K)

23 Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

Posted by: IraQ at April 20, 2005 01:16 PM (xdHNZ)

24 Yo mamas so ugly she could be president of Finland.

AFINN: Just couldn't help it. The devil made me do it. And Brad.

Posted by: greyrooster at April 20, 2005 01:27 PM (aq8Ok)

25 Yo momma's so fat, when she fell in love, she broke it.

Yo momma's so fat, when she haul's ass, she has to make two trips.

Yo momma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo momma's so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions.

Posted by: Venom at April 20, 2005 01:54 PM (dbxVM)

26 Yo mama has soooo much cheese between her legs she is known as the Island of Wisconsin!!!

Posted by: mike at April 20, 2005 01:57 PM (nyxv/)

27 Your momma's so fat, when she walks her ass looks like two pigs fightin' over a milk dud.

Posted by: steven baber at April 20, 2005 04:14 PM (FogDg)

28 Venom wins. Even if it takes two hours for his liberal ass to watch 60 minutes.

Posted by: greyrooster at April 20, 2005 06:57 PM (aq8Ok)

29 Yo Mama is a Chicken

Posted by: Collin Baber at April 21, 2005 03:25 AM (FV4oJ)

30 Actually, I'm not a liberal. You know, it is possible for a true conservative like myself to be against neoconservatism and not be a liberal at the same time.

Oh, and keeping with the thread's topic:

Yo momma's so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my ass on the lightbulb.

Yo momma's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind.

Posted by: Venom at April 21, 2005 09:51 AM (dbxVM)

31 Yo momma's so ugly you hafta tie a tbone steak around her neck to get the family dog to play with her.

Posted by: sue at April 21, 2005 11:58 AM (c15zJ)

32 Yo mamma's so fat that her man has to roll her in 10 pounds of flour and look for a wet spot just to have sex.

Posted by: scarlet at April 21, 2005 04:31 PM (ifb6d)

33 Yo momma's so stupid people think she's the president of the USA

Posted by: osama at July 02, 2005 05:04 AM (mEMLK)

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Via Flea, this super-sweet Imperial Landwalker. Check out the video of it in action at this website. It actually works!

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Stephen Green muses on the news that Star Wars is set to get a PG-13 rating. But might I suggest that a nude and tattood Bai Ling also might play some role in that rating.

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Toy company finds yet another way to give me nightmares.

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Cat-blogging bloggers beware: Wisconsin may legalize cat hunting.

My opinion? Here kitty-kitty-kitty.....

Two questions:

1) What does cat taste like?

2) What's the going rate for a cat pelt? more...

Posted by: Rusty at 08:33 AM | Comments (33) | Add Comment
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The May 2005 issue of Playboy Magazine will feature a candid interview with the leader of al Qaeda in Iraq's Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. The issue is not on stands yet, but Playboy has a preview of the article here. (Safe for Work)

(Linked at OTB)

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(Flowery Branch, Georgia) A geriatric health worker filed a civil suit against Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for knowingly giving her genital herpes. Sonya Elliott, 26, who says she is a former girlfriend of Vick, alleges "negligence by Vick, unwanted physical contact, pain, suffering, and potential future medical complications." Vick has not commented on the lawsuit nor has he been seen riding a bicycle.

Companion post at Interested-Participant.

Posted by: Mike Pechar at 07:28 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Thanks for the tip to Beth at MYVRWC who has a gallery of other home made South Park characters.

Update: Yeah, I'm black. I can feel it.

Update II: Black is beautiful. Deal with it.

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What many of my readers don't know is that I am over 1000% more native American than Ward Churchill. 1/16th is infinitely greater than zero, right? Anyway, as a true bona fide American Indian I demand that Chief Illiniwek show up at this weekend's game! Anything less than this would be an insult to my people. more...

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So, can you deep fry T-Rex rinds? Via Commissar and Bill scientist now have found soft cell tissue from a T-Rex. Mmmm, tastes like chicken!

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My buddy Dr. Leopold Stotch called the other day and threatened to issue a fatwa against me if I didn't watch South Park. Episode 902 was riddled with swipes at Ward Churchill and his hippie followers. If you haven't seen it yet it's not too late. Comedy Central will be showing the episode again tonight and tomorrow.

Kevin at Student Con also noticed how Trey and Matt slapped that bitch Ward Churchill down too:

UC, Boulder "know-it-all college hippies" taking over the small Colorado town? The reference to the Ward Churchill saga when one of the hippies calls Cartman a "little Eichman?" The lesson learned about the laziness and selfishness of the left? My favorite moment from the show:

Kyle (or Stan): "Man, I didn't know that corporations were so bad."
Hippy: "You just haven't gone to college yet; I just finished my first semester."

Posted by: Rusty at 03:49 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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...but what about Pootchie?

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The next round is on me. Lift your glasses and celebrate the nation that is 1/64th mine by right of birth with The Jawa Report's second-annual toast to Eire:

UPDATE: But seriuosly, the thing about the Irish that I like the most (besides those hot redheads) is that they can take a joke.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:30 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
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...Oliver Willis in full denial mode. We like to call him 'Baghdad Ollie'.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Michelle Malkin on the upcoming Million Moonbat March.

Posted by: Rusty at 02:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Okay, can some one please turn the postmodern dial to off in Lebanon now? (via Instapundit)

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Clearwater, Fla. In a shocking development in the Terri Schiavo case today, a Florida appeals court ordered Vatican doctors to remove all life support from the ailing Pope John Paul II.

In a decision sure to have international repercussions, Judge George Greer ruled that although Terri Schiavo's lawyers had provided substantial evidence that the Pontiff responded to external stimuli by doing such things as "eating, talking, praying, and blessing the faithful," that such behaviors were simple auto-responses that in no way proved any type of self-awareness. Despite plans to attend Sunday prayers tomorrow, the judge proclaimed the Pope to be in a "constant vegetative state".

"We understand and sympathize with the feelings that Catholics, Christians, and humanitarians of all stripes have for the Holy Father," Judge Greer announced from the bench, "but this is a nation of laws. As such we must not let any moral considerations, whatever their source may be, interfere with justice."

The judges order would require doctors at Rome's Gemelli hospital to withhold all medical care from the Pope, including food & water and strapping the Pope down if he reflexively objects that he is hungry and/or thirsty. However, the Court's order will not take affect until March 18th allowing time for the case to be appealed.

"We will appeal the case all the way to the Supreme Court," Terri Schiavo lawyer David Gibbs III said in a press conference immediately following the unexpected ruling.

NARAL, the ACLU, and attorney's for Michael Schiavo, Terri's husband, have already begun work on amicus curae briefs in support of the judges decision to euthenize the Pope. "The right to die is an essential aspect of human dignity," said George Felos, Michael Schiavo's attorney and spokesman, "and the right to kill those who no longer have any value and are a drain on the economy is unseperable from this right."

"The legal principle of convenience," he added, "has triumphed today over the arcane remnants of religious bigotry which threaten to shake the very foundations of our secular society had the judge not ruled in our favor."

Reactions from the Vatican were swift. An emergency meeting was called for all available ranking Church officials and thousands gathered for a candle-light vigil in Saint Peter's Square. A spokesperson for the Papal state immediately denounced the ruling as contrary to the teachings of the Church and said the Vatican would join the appeal to judge Greer's ruling.

Cardinal Theodore Edgar McCarrick of the Archdiocese of Washington, DC strongly condemned the ruling. When asked what the Church would do if John Paul were to lose the appeal, McCarrick said, "As Catholics we believe that preserving the sanctity of life is the first duty of governments and of individual followers of Christ."

"What judge Greer has done today is essentially to sanction the murder of the Holy See," he went on, "and we cannot and will not stand for this! We must protect the life of the innocent at all costs--even if that means a non-violent protest or fast of some kind. Maybe even a prayer vigil--a long one. I really hope that works."

Today's ruling came as a shock to many legal experts who claimed that the Pope had no standing in the Schiavo case and the court no authority to make the ruling. Even so, Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe announced his support of the decision as the logical extension of the application of internationl law in the US.

"Besides," said Tribe, "the guy is really old."

The Pope is expected to make a statement about the case tomorrow.

*satire

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Funny. Beyond words, funny. (via Flea)

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Blogger Kelly Ann Collins has teamed up with a 'source' to offer a reward for any one that had GAY KINKY-SEX with top-ranking (read: ANY Republican) government (read: or any one who has ever shaken a Republican's hand) official. None of this is about sex, of course, but did we forget to mention the fact that Jeff Gannon / James Guckert was a GAY KINKY-SEX PROSTITUTE & ESCORT and that we're looking for DNA evidence? From the post:

A wealthy Washington socialite is offering a $10,000 reward for proof that Jeff Gannon (pictured), an allegedly gay kinky-sex prostitute / escort / white house reporter / GOP operative, has had sexual relations with top-ranking government officials....

So, I ask again -- have you seen this man? Have you slept with this man? Do you know this man?

A local socialite, who wishes to remain anonymous, has teamed up with this site to offer a $10,000 reward to anyone that can provide hard proof (photos, phone pictures, locks of hair, DNA on a suit) that Jeff Gannon had ANY sexual -- or romantic -- relationship with any top-ranking officials here in Washington.

Huh. Since when is Matt Drudge a "local socialite"? Also: expect giggling over the definition of "top-ranking." Heh.

UPDATE II: Jeff Gannon has his own blog (ht: Hubris in PW comments)

UPDATE SO CRITICAL I'M STRIKING ALL THE NONSENSE I WROTE BELOW ABOUT HOW THE WHOLE JEFF GANNON THING WAS REALLY NO BIG DEAL:

In a revelation so shocking that it will bring the citizen-journalist phenomenon to a halt and will no doubt usher in the era of the politician-journalist, Rep. Maurice Hinchey (D-NY) has revealed that Jeff Gannon was responsible for breaking Rathergate which proves once and for all the KKKarl Rove did forge those documents in a grand conspiracy (no doubt orchestrated by Shrimp-Chub-Bush's masters in the Illumnati-Trialateral-Zionist-Haliburton-Mossad Commission).

How does he know? He can feel it, man. He can feel it.

Charles Johnson first broke this amazing revelation which is sure to break my spirits and lead me to volunteer for the Media Matters empire which, incidentally, is run by David Brock the man who was deceived--just like I have been--by the vast right--wing-Christian-Coalition conspiracy into writing the journalistic masterpiece and Pulitzer nominated books The Real Anita Hill & The Seduction of Hilary Rodham before he saw the light and joined the left-wing-gay-outting integrity filled and Soros funded empire of Media Matters and wrote the classic and acclaimed The Republican Noise Machine: The Right-Wing Media and How it Corrupts Democracy.

Ace and Rob have more. Both obviously still deceived by the corporate media.

Instapundit chimes in on KKKarl Rove-Gannon-Rathergate, kinda. Did you know Glenn Reynolds writes for MSNBC, a subsidiary of NBC, a subsidiary of General Electric which also happens to build the jet engines for the US war machine. Who profitted from the Iraq war? Follow the money, man. Follow the money.

UPDATE III: On a serious note, the other day MSNBC ran every single question asked by Gannon in news conferences. Not a single one seemed out of the ordinary. Not a single one seemed any less inane and trite than ones offered by legitimate reporters. None.

But what about all the softball questions?

The hard questions are the ones you want asked. It's all subjective. To the folks at Media Matters the hard questions are never asked.

I take it anything short of 'Ari, when is Bush-Hitler going to admit he lied to lead us into war so that we could steal oil for Haliburton and murder innocent Iraqi children and torture prisoners at Abu Ghraib?' would suffice.

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