The MSM's been reporting quite a bit on Khalid Sheikh Mohammed's recent confessions, including alleged plots to kill Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. Although KSM's voluminous confessions on high-profile terrorist acts have received plenty of coverage, I was a bit surprised to see that the reports omitted several of KSM's more surprising claims.

Most stories failed to mention, for example, KSM's claims that he...

...was the "real killer" of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman,

...was the second gunman,

...shot J.R. Ewing,

...knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried,

...has periodically moonlighted as an actor under the screen name "Ron Jeremy,"

...invented the Internet,

...was conceived on a bridge in Selma, Alabama,

...was the inspiration for the movie "Love Story,"

...was named after Sir Edmund Hillary,

...has farted on meringue, sneezed on braised endives, and performed unspeakable acts on cream of mushroom soup,

...was the driving force behind the "New Coke" fiasco,

...is responsible for the intermittent availability of the pork-based "McRib" sandwich,

...killed Betamax,

...was solely responsible for the rash of "Sasquatch" sightings in the mid-1980s,

...personally stole the UFO and the alien corpse from Area 51,

...provided the seed funding for the film "Battlefield Earth,"

...is the father of Anna Nicole's baby, and

...is personally causing global warming...with his mind.

Posted by: Ragnar at 11:35 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
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