September 12, 2005

Bush to tour New Orleans

According to CNN, Bush took Sunday to perform his first tour of New Orleans. When asked if he thought that it would be disrespectful to the 9/11 victims to visit New Orleans on this day, Bush was quoted as saying "What 9/11 victims? Is that how many I managed to kill down here?"

Of course a stunned press asked him to elaborate on his remarks, he simply stated "We thought it was time to take out the trash. Maybe that'll teach them no-good negros about not voting Republican."

Later, CNN's Wolf Blitzer was able to get an exclusive interview with the President and received some elaboration on his remarks.

Blitzer: So, Mr. President, are you stating, for the record, that you are responsible for all of the deaths in New Orleans?
Bush: No, not all the deaths, but if we'd known that police were going to have to start shooting looters, we'd have sure gotten the Army in there quicker so we could have been responsible for a lot more.

Blitzer: Mr. President! That's horrible! But you do finally admit that your criminally negligent environmental policies are the root cause for this hurricane?
Bush: Environmental policies? No. Heck, we sent a space shuttle mission up just a few weeks ago with 100,000 cans of hair spray. We figured dumping that much aerosol directly into the ozone would surely have some sort of adverse effect. But we never dreamed it would start at Category 5 hurricane. This worked out much better than expected!

Blitzer: I see. So were you attempting to do anything specific with your plan of destruction, or just see where it led you.
Bush: Listen when I'm talkin, you dummy. Our whole goal was to wipe out all the poor negros down there. They're voting Democrat in droves and really putting a hurt on us at election time. The only part that really failed was that it came up short and didn't get the Hispanics in Florida at the same time.

Blitzer: So this is all just about getting Republicans elected.
Bush: Of course it is. Why else would we do anything. Do you think we really care about the people we're ruling, er, ah, here to serve?

Blitzer: Well I find all this to be absolutly horrible! I can't believe our government would do such a thing!
Bush: Why not? You people are ready to believe that we started the war in Iraq just because Saddam tried to kill my daddy (which is true, by the way). If you're going to believe the worst about us anyway, we might as well take advantage and just do it.

Blitzer: Well I never...
Bush: You better get used to it. Oh, and I'd stay out of California for about a month. Our earthquake machine is just about finished.

Blitzer: Well, there you have it people. All your worst fears confirmed. The Republicans are evil and are killing people just because they're poor minorities.
Bush: No, because they won't vote for us. Get it right or you'll be next.

Blitzer: This is Wolf Blitzer, signing off.

Originally posted at Conservative Friends.

Update: One of my diligent CF readers has found unreleased photos of Bush visiting New Orleans. These photos only serve to prove exactly how atrocious our President is. We must call for impeachment now!

Posted by: Drew at 06:49 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 560 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Satire served with a smile, LOL

Actually, >>>If you're going to believe the worst about us anyway, we might as well take advantage and just do it<<<

I find that attitude disturbingly... attractive! Would be nice if there were a LOT more backbone in the Republican party.

-- R'cat
CatHouse Chat

Posted by: Romeocat at September 12, 2005 08:19 AM (dIews)

2 Hey, Rusty, I'll be seeing this article posted as fact any second now on the Kossack site.

Posted by: jesusland joe at September 12, 2005 08:30 AM (q9AWQ)

3 will there be a mission accomplished? Will brownie get his medal of freedom?

Posted by: actus at September 12, 2005 08:38 AM (y/f3P)

4 Rusty, what did I tell ya'? They are lame, lame, lame I say!

Posted by: jesusland joe at September 12, 2005 09:44 AM (q9AWQ)

5 The only thing missing from all of this is Cindy asking how it was possible that Bush caught that fish in all that contaminated water.

Posted by: Venom at September 12, 2005 12:19 PM (dbxVM)

6 No where will you find SEAN PENN he is trying to wade through the cow poo and the mess of embarassment after his little fiasco

Posted by: sandpiper at September 12, 2005 01:43 PM (U+eLg)

7 Nice striper there Dub! I hear submerged cars make great bass cover.

Posted by: Improbulus Maximus at September 12, 2005 02:34 PM (0yYS2)

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