Hello America, I'm Larry King. My guest tonight is President Bush who is with us to talk about emergency preparedness and the federal government.

Mr. President, I noticed that the federal agencies have managed to respond much more quickly to Hurricane Rita than they did to Hurricane Katrina. Is that because they learned their lessons during Katrina? Or is it possibly because of the firing of Michael Brown?

President Bush: Well, Larry, I really don't think it's either. We just wanted to get there faster this time. After all, I can't let all those innocent people get killed right there in my home state. I might decide to run for Governor again.

King: So you're saying that you have more sympathy for the people caught in Hurricane Rita?

President Bush: Why heck yes. Didn't you hear my interview with Wolf Blitzer? And not only did we manage to get rid of all the Negroes, but did you know that New Orleans was filled with fornicators? That's a biblical word for people having sex. And according to my buddy Jerry, we can't let people do that. As a matter of fact, I'm going down to Florida next week to have a talk with my brother about why he evacuated all those homosexhuals from the Keys. Why he let the perfect opportunity to rid his state of most of the rif-raf slip straight through his fingers. King: Well, Mr. Bush, I always believed you were a racist and a homophobe, but I certainly never thought I'd hear you admit it.

President Bush: Well, Larry, y'all are going to think bad things about me no matter what I do, so I might as well have a little fun with it while I can.

King: I see. So, Mr. Bush, what sort of plan does the federal government have for dealing with Hurricane Rita?

President Bush: Well, Larry, I'm glad you asked that. Since everyone has been clamoring about border security, we thought this would be the perfect time to step it up?

King: Excuse me? Thousands of lives are about to be lost along with millions of dollars in property damage and you're worried about border security?

President Bush: Well, haven't you guys been yelling at me that I'm not doing a good enough job of keeping those Hispanics out? I just figure this is the perfect opportunity to root them out. Why do you think it's taking so long for people to evacuate? We've got border patrol agents at every road going out performing car-by-car searches. If any Hispanics are found trying to get out of the Hurricane area, they are turned around and told to go back. We figure that once we get them all turned around, we'd let mother nature do our dirty work for us.

King: But what about the ones who are over here legally? Aren't they at least checking for green cards?

President Bush: Nope, we ain't got no time for that. If they look Hispanic, they'd better just turn around and go on back. Give more time for the real Americans to get out of the area.

King: Well, Mr. Bush, this is simply appalling. I have never heard such out of a President.

President Bush: Obviously you never had any serious talks with Bill Clinton, then.

King: So what about the oil refineries? Are you at least concerned about them? After all, they represent 25% of our economy's oil. And environmentalists are scared that the spills that could be caused would mean disaster for the Gulf.

Bush: Yeah, they'll probably be destroyed. But since they aren't owned by me or any of my close buddies, that'll be a good thing. We can drive the price of gas through the roof and no one will be able to do a thing about it. And heck, all that oil came out of the ground, what's it gonna hurt if it's spilled back onto the ground?

King: Well, there you have it folks. The President's plan to rid America of it's minorities and create a monopoly in oil. Remember, you heard it here first.

President Bush: No they didn't. I told this same thing to Wolf last week. You just better watch your step Larry. If I can arrange to have two Hurricanes hit the gulf coast, it would't take two seconds to get rid of your old ass.

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