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February 26, 2006

Open Thread: Olympic Sports You'd Like to See

In a previous post I rated the GAY, STRAIGHT, or METROSEXUAL aspects of selected Winter Olympic sports. Hilarity ensued, with the bonus that we were able to mortally offend a fullblown moonbat who shall remain nameless so as not to offend her life partner, Boris.

Commenter slug has requested an open thread for the sports we'd like to see introduced.

Please keep your posts at the customary PG-13 level. Unless they're really funny.

Posted by: Bluto at 05:29 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 81 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I would like to see the Snowball Fight added as a sport.

Team USA could hide rocks in them when they go up against the Iranian team.

Posted by: Vinnie at February 26, 2006 05:58 PM (f289O)

2 I want to see a real biathlon with shooters armed with 7.62mm NATO rifles hunting for caribou or elk. The team with the biggest rack wins the gold medal. And all the members of the male figure skating teams have to clean the animals shot by the biathlon teams. Now that I would like to see.

Posted by: jesusland joe at February 26, 2006 06:15 PM (rUyw4)

3 I'd like to see a sleding race like something out of Ben Hur, where the sledders need to "kill or be killed" as they travel at high speeds down a steep mountain slope. Athletes should be permitted to take as many drugs as needed. And there should be no rules, none. Last one standing gets the gold, and if there's anyone else alive, they can fight over the other two.

Posted by: Asgerd at February 26, 2006 06:20 PM (3/J8G)

4 1) One of my favorites is one my buddies and I do at the beach house twice a year: a)empty several cases of beer; b) toss cans out into the yard; c) load/shoot .22 rifle*; d) whoever hits the most in row wins. Competition continues until we run out of ammo, until it gets too dark, or until everyone passes out.

* Our place is secluded so a BB gun will work in a more populated area.

2)It would be pretty cool to dress up a bunch of competitors in those sumo wrestling outfits and just watch them fall down. That never gets old.

3)Anything where guys get hit in the sack.

4)Anything that could produce the new 'Agony of Defeat' guy.

Any or all of these would mean higher ratings for NBC. However, I would keep the womens's figure skating. The only reason that gets high ratings is that men like to watch nearly naked 18 year olds with their leg over their own shoulder.

NBC: call me.

Posted by: slug at February 26, 2006 06:29 PM (vQoK9)

5 I'd like to see "Polar Bear Cub Snatch". In this event the athletes (unarmed of course) must steal a cub while in the presence of its mother and carry it by hand over the finish line, 500 metres away. Points are awarded for the weight of the cub taken and the time taken to cross the finish line.

Posted by: Graeme at February 26, 2006 06:30 PM (RkR7z)

6 I'd like to see a more violent version of Ultimate Fighting Championship.

No rules, in a cage till one man is completely unconcious. It would have clear winner, unlike the judged sports.

The sport could also be used to solve international conflicts.

Posted by: Moose at February 26, 2006 06:37 PM (3btGz)

7 Moose, is this to be an outside or inside sport, because it would be much better if it were outside, in the snow, on top of a mountain.

The term, "agony of defeat" would take on a new meaning.

Posted by: jesusland joe at February 26, 2006 06:42 PM (rUyw4)

8 It would absolutely be outside, winter olympics, on top of a mountian.

No medics either for the loser.

Posted by: Moose at February 26, 2006 07:28 PM (3btGz)

9 Combined figure skating and curling event. Skater must cross in front of the stone several times.

Posted by: Marvin at February 26, 2006 08:21 PM (zktVb)

10 Ultimate Biathalon: instead of taking shots at targets, the various teams try to 'tag' each other.

Snowboard Archery Catch: Snowboarders will attempt to catch arrow fired by expert archers while in the middle of elaborate jumps. Most arrows caught and still alive wins.

Bobsled Chicken: Bobsleds are released at opposite sides of a very steep track and head right for each other at breakneck speeds. If one team hits the 'chicken switch' and bails, the other teams wins. In case of collision and death, it's a tie.

Posted by: Remulak MoxArgon at February 26, 2006 08:32 PM (/kHgK)

11 Downhill Speedskating.

A very steep hill covered in ice, and speedskaters race down it while curling rocks are dropped behind them.

Posted by: Moose at February 26, 2006 09:49 PM (3btGz)

12 I'm late to the discussion - damn - but better late than never - I have a very important..personal...question:

curling...gay,straight, or metro?

Posted by: Heroic Dreamer at February 27, 2006 12:16 AM (aH6Zf)

13 My money's on Graeme's with one more twist. TBCUR.

Posted by: forest hunter at February 27, 2006 03:00 AM (Fq6zR)

14 Heroic Dreamer: curling is probably a symbolic fertilization ritual. The "stones" represent spermatozoons competing to be first to inseminate the "target", or egg. Thus, curling is categorized as STRAIGHT, but also as LAME.

Posted by: The Dread Pundit Bluto at February 27, 2006 09:31 AM (RHG+K)

15 DPB:

: ) This is me laughing at your funny joke.

..O( : \)> This is Mo (PBUH) puzzled because his head might detonate.

Posted by: Heroic Dreamer at February 27, 2006 05:28 PM (aH6Zf)

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February 26, 2006

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